elementary illinois in school tutor

Last night and this morning havenapos;t really been the best emotional times for me. Granted my flood gates are still intact, my focus is as good as it should be, bu iapos;ve just felt like thereapos;s this cloud of melancholy and sadness surrounding my thoughts like a vast fog. Fog clears up eventually, i know that. Doesnapos;t mean itapos;s not here right now.

i just miss the relationship evan and i used to have, and not in a romantic sense. I miss talking to him every night about all sorts of things, i miss talking for 6-7hrs, i miss the incredible excitement and pride i got in hearing him say so many grand things about me, thinking i had finally found a great guy to be my closest guy friend.

it upsets me knowing a month and two weeks of dating had to ruin that. I donapos;t know exactly what i did to be rejected like this, to the point where evan doesnapos;t even look at me anymore, but knowing him itapos;s prolly something like my sensitivity, or just his overall pissiness. I miss the way things used to be, i miss the beginning of school where it seemed like i finally found someone i could be with for a while, and iapos;d be happy everyday.

this concerns me with dustin. With both spencer and evan, i befriended them before i liked them, whereas with dustin i did the opposite, and iapos;m really worried that my ability to fuck things up will bear its ugly head between us. I donapos;t want to lose another guy friend, much less a close one. Dustin is a shy one, and itapos;ll take a bit of time before he considers me a close friend, but thatapos;s actually pretty reasonable, seeing as most people do the same.

i should take this "chill" time as an oppurtunity, because frankly, whether i like it or not, iapos;m in no position to be dating anyone right now. So, this time will give me the chance to really get to know dustin, let him get comfortable and open up around me, and become good friends. I might be a little impatient and slip sometimes, but i know if i just relax, everything will be fine, and events will chart their course.

i feel so bad sometimes. I rushed into this situation with dustin and caught him off guard, which is just a fantastic start of a friendship. I really like him, but i need to get that out of my head if i want things to work out, relationship or not. Man, thatapos;s gonna be hard, seeing as i think about him a lot. But then i feel ashamed; bryson, how could you think about a guy youapos;ve only been talking to for two weeks give it time, geez. Youapos;ll never get anywhere rushing like that.

i know this isnapos;t the most insightful entry, but i just felt like i needed to get something down. Iapos;ve been itching to write lately, but i know my writing isnapos;t really at its grandest right now. I seem to write as though iapos;m talking, and i need to learn how to make my sentences flow better and more easily. Thatapos;s gonna take a while.


i think thatapos;s all i can get down. Maybe iapos;ll come back later.

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